The short answer
- Keep it short and specific: a focused list of songs, artists or styles you truly do not want, not every song you mildly dislike.
- Include rules as well as titles, such as "clean versions only" or "no line dances," so the DJ can apply them to requests too.
- Say why when it matters (an ex's song, a sensitive topic for family) and tell your DJ how to handle guest requests that hit the list.
A do-not-play list is one of the most useful things you can give your DJ. It protects your night from the songs that would make you cringe, and it tells the DJ a lot about your taste in a few lines. A bad one, though, either misses the songs that matter or gets so long that it boxes the DJ out of reading the room.
Here is how to write one that actually works.
Why a do-not-play list matters more than a must-play list
Most couples spend hours on their must-play list and five minutes on the do-not-play. In practice, the do-not-play list often matters more. A good DJ will find plenty of great songs your crowd loves. What the DJ cannot guess is the one song tied to a painful memory, the artist your parents find offensive, or the novelty dance you have sworn off since your cousin's wedding.
Your must-play list shapes the night. Your do-not-play list protects it.
Step by step: writing your list
- Start with the absolute no's. Write down every song or artist that would genuinely upset you or a close family member if it played. These go at the top.
- Add the cringe songs. Novelty songs, group dances and wedding cliches you do not want. Be honest about which ones you hate and which you could tolerate if the floor loved them.
- Add rules, not just titles. Write broader instructions, like "no explicit lyrics before 9 PM" or "nothing from this artist," so the DJ can apply your intent to songs you did not think of.
- Explain the sensitive ones. If a song is off limits for a personal reason, a short note helps the DJ catch covers, remixes and similar tracks.
- Decide how strict to be. Mark which items are "never, even if requested" and which are "avoid, but OK if the floor demands it."
- Trim it. Read it once more and cut anything you only mildly dislike. A shorter list is easier to follow and leaves room for the DJ to work.
What usually goes on a do-not-play list
Every couple is different, but most lists pull from the same categories. Use these to jog your memory.
| Category | Example of how to write it |
|---|---|
| Group and line dances | "No Chicken Dance, no Macarena. Cupid Shuffle is fine once." |
| Songs tied to people | "Nothing by [artist]. It was an ex's favorite." |
| Explicit lyrics | "Radio edits only while grandparents are here, roughly until 9:30." |
| Genres | "No heavy metal or hard techno." |
| Overplayed wedding songs | "Skip the songs every wedding plays at the end of the night; surprise us." |
| Sensitive themes | "No songs about cheating or breakups, please." |
| Family or cultural concerns | "Nothing from [specific artist]; it would upset my dad's side." |
Write song titles with the artist name. Many popular songs share titles, and covers or remixes can sneak past a list that only has the title.
Rules vs. song titles
Titles are precise but narrow. Rules are broader but need judgment. The best lists use both.
Song titles
- Exact and easy to follow
- Good for specific songs with personal history
- Miss covers, remixes and similar songs
- Can get long fast
Rules
- Cover songs you did not think to list
- Apply automatically to guest requests
- Tell the DJ what you are going for
- Short and easy to remember on the night
For example, "no songs with explicit lyrics" covers hundreds of tracks in one line. "No songs about exes" catches songs you might never have flagged. Pair a few rules with a short list of specific titles and you have given your DJ everything they need.
How long should the list be?
There is no fixed number, but shorter is better. A list of 10 to 25 items is usually plenty. If yours runs into the dozens, look for patterns and turn them into rules. If you find yourself listing most of a genre, just write the genre.
A very long do-not-play list can also work against you. A DJ who reads a crowd well needs room to move between styles. If half the songs that fill dance floors are banned, the DJ is left guessing. Our guide on how to read a dance floor explains how DJs make those calls in real time.
Handling guest requests
Guests will request songs from your do-not-play list. It happens often. Decide in advance how you want the DJ to respond.
- Tell the DJ whether the list is strict ("never, no matter who asks") or flexible for some items
- Name anyone who can override the list (a parent, the couple only, nobody)
- Ask the DJ to decline politely without naming you as the reason, if you prefer
- Decide whether requests are welcome at all, or only from a short list of people
- Agree on the clean version rule for requested songs
Most professional DJs handle this smoothly. A friendly "I'll see what I can do" and a better song next usually ends the conversation.
When and how to send the list
Send it with the rest of your music planning, usually a few weeks before the wedding, so your DJ has time to prepare clean versions and plan around it. Update it if something changes, but avoid changing it the day before. Put it in writing (a form, a shared doc or an email), not just a conversation, so nothing gets forgotten.
At EMP Created, you give us your must-plays and do-not-plays at the planning call, and we read the room for the rest. If you are building the rest of your music, our complete wedding song list covers every moment from processional to last dance, and our questions to ask a wedding DJ include how to check that a DJ will follow your list. You can see what comes with every package on our weddings page.
A sample do-not-play list
Here is how a clear, short list might look. Swap in your own songs and rules.
- Never: anything by [artist A] or [artist B], including remixes and covers
- Never: Chicken Dance, Macarena, Hokey Pokey
- Clean versions only until 10 PM, then use your judgment
- No breakup or cheating songs
- No hard techno or metal
- Avoid, but OK once if the floor is begging: the big group line dances
- Guest requests that hit this list: decline politely, no exceptions except the couple
Frequently asked questions
Is it rude to give the DJ a do-not-play list?
Not at all. DJs want one. It saves guesswork and helps them avoid songs that would upset you or your family.
Should we include songs we only slightly dislike?
Usually no. Save the list for songs that would truly bother you. If you only mildly dislike a song that packs the floor, let the DJ make the call.
What if a guest requests a song on our list?
Tell your DJ in advance how strict to be. A professional will decline politely and keep the party moving.
Can our do-not-play list be just one rule?
Yes. Something like "clean versions only, no line dances" is a perfectly good list if that covers your concerns.
